Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
