The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
