I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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