It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this boner is exhausting
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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