I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
