I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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