But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
