Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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