you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
