I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
