whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
