I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
