would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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