Tell her she can't have a vagina
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
