Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
