i think my tv is drunk
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
