I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm having to shit out rocks
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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