Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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