I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
