Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I seem to have left my pride at pride
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
