I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
