whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
