All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
