ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
