i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
