u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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