In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's never too late to be topless.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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