Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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