I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
