Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
