Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
