she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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