I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
