Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
