Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
