It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
