is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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