I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
