I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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