When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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