if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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