My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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