It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He kissed a someone with a penis
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
