Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
