yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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