Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
