The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
