i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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