fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
