Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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