I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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