how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
