Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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