I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
