We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
